Christians are straight up FREAKS
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
