No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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