I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize