We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
