he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
