i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
