Pants 0. Shit 1.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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