apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
