laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
