in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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