When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
