a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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