My first STD was from a foam party
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
