I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
