Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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