i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
