'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
