I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
