Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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