MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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