I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
All the doctor said was why
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
