It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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