There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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