im having a threesome with these popsicles
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
