Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
