i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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