Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
