And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
