those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
