Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
