the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
