You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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