I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
