woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
