No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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