Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize