just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
