When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
