i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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