My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
