I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
