I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
