Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He did a backflip because drugs
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
