Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
