i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
