I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
