I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
