WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
