I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize