what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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