If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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