I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
