Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
