About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
