I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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