I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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