worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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