I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
