matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
