dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
