i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize