I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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