I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
