you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize