Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You need Xanax blowdarts
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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