Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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