You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
why do cheetos always look like penises
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize