I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
