this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
