well I can't set my house on fire every night
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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