Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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