I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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