Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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