she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
