Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize