Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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