found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
