i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
