I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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