shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
