I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
