He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
