A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
