Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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