I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
