how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
