things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
