i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
please come you make the beer taste better
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
