If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
