I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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