So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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