The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
MIDGETS
????
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
