It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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