Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
