barbara walters just said penis...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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