So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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