Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize