wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
