I wish I could punch you in the face.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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